Junior Jokes and Little Girl Quips
SHEILA QUINN WILSON, MOTHER INSPIRED
May 11, 2008 – I am celebrating Mother's Day my own way by uploading some of the funniest moments I have had with each of my two daughters. To be honest, both of them have separate unique qualities that I cherish equally: my youngest possesses a wicked sense of humour, and although my firstborn comes up with a few decent zingers, it's her spirited nature that fills me with utmost awe towards her. These primary short stories demonstrate her quick wit and gentle humour:
Friends of mine were going out to dinner one night and dropped off their two little ones at my place for a couple of hours. My oldest asked where they were going as they started to leave.
"We're going to Shoeless Joe's," they smiled.
"Oh. Don't forget to take your shoes off when you get there."
If you have a child approaching the big ten, then you already know that 'junior jokes' have a 'you-must-laugh-regardless' requirement. Most of them are quite bad (really, really!)... but this one was pretty good!
"Mommy, what did the king say when he lost his speech?"
"Hmm, I don't know... what?" I asked, preparing myself to laugh.
"I'm speechless."
Underneath that face of sweet shyness lies the funniest little girl I have ever known!
Next up is a collection of Little Girl Quips that my oldest daughter and I have collected over the last year. We are certain that my youngest will turn to comedy once she overcomes her girlhood shyness! Here are her stories:
Math is an important deal after school as I often test my fourth grader on her multiplication equations. It's usually the three of us around the table, and my unassuming little one absorbs these sets with a genuine enthusiasm to be smarter than her older sibling... and she loves to play the teacher.
"Mommy, what's one plus two?"
"Hmmm, five?" I teased.
"No, one plus two," she repeated.
"Gee, I am not too sure about that one... Four?"
"ONE... PLUSSSSS... TWO," she stressed impatiently, fluttering her eyes, and holding up her fingers to show me.
"Oh! One plus two! Okay... Is it three?"
Miss Smartypants silently confirmed by counting to herself, and then quipped, "Maybe!"
After having picked a 'pretty' dandelion to bring home to me, my 4-yr-old sweetheart abandoned it as quickly as she had become interested.
Her older sister, taken by the quaint behaviour, called out, "Don't you want the flower anymore?"
"No, the 'line' under the flower is too short! I can't hold it."
When it comes around to the end of the week and a trip to the grocery store is more of a necessity than one for pleasure, my 4-yr-old daughter gets her own 'Shopper in Training' cart. At the end of one such event, her cart was filled with chips, Smarties, chocolates – all the things that a little princess could possibly 'need' – and gaaaaaarlic...? Wait a minute, garlic?
My oldest daughter curiously questioned what the garlic cloves were for, puzzled. In a hushed tone that was serious and insistent, our young shopper replied, "It's to keep the 'pires' away."
That's right! Yes, we need to keep the VAMpires from your awaiting castle, sweetie!
One night, my 9-yr-old was jolted awake by her younger sister's loud sobs. As they are also roommates, they share special moments such as this that I hope they will cherish and retell forever.
"I thought you were DEAD! You had your eyes closed." She whimpered on, "I like it when you have your eyes open and you are ALIVE."
Sensitive to her little sister's fright, she explained that she was not dead, but sleeping... and to go back to bed!
Five minutes later at 2:15am, "Are you dead again?"
"I know what those are!" my little monkey announced with conviction, pointing to the pillars in the front hallway. "They are PILLOWS, only they are hard ones."
A little bunny was finding some eggs
But he couldn't find them
So he hopped a big hop
And found some eggs in the grass.
A little bunny was finding some eggs
But he couldn't find them
So he hopped a big hop
And found some eggs in the grass.
(I wanna be 4-yrs-old again!!)
Upon her return from her best friend's birthday party, my 4-yr-old gleefully showed off the contents of her loot bag – and a very nice bag it was!! Included with the stickers, candy, a crown, and an assortment of small trinkets, was a plush Snow White doll.
Becoming Princess Snow White herself, she began to chant, "I don't want to be a princess. I don't want to be a princess. I don't want to be a princess becaaause... I don't want to get maaaaa-rrieeeeeeed!"
I thought this was unusual but amusing, and asked, "You don't want to get married?"
"No!"
"Not even to a prince?"
"No," she returned flatly (like, what happend to the song?).
"Not even to Prince Daddy?"
"Nooooo, he's tooo BIIIIIIG!"
I swear those eyes of hers were as large as her statement! I tried a bit of reason since she was pretending to be a princess after all, "Well, princesses in fairytales marry a prince. As Princess Snow White, what kind of prince would you like?"
"I need a prince DOLL because I am a DOLL! Hmph!" and she stormed off, leaving me laughing alone at the kitchen table where the chant had begun.
This entry I wrote last May for the Perfect Parents Don't Exist blog but felt it was worthy to bring it forward again for another small laugh:
My 3-yr-old daughter is hilarious… and persistent! Often throughout the day she will ask, 'Mommy, can I watch some telly?' and my answer is nearly always no. I am not a great fan of the television set and although some of it can be educational, I generally steer clear of anything that requires batteries and a remote control.
But it gets tiresome, to forever supply my little darling with those negative words: no, not now, maybe later, no way, etc. You know what I’m talking about – every ‘imperfect parent’ has had more than one occasion of this scenario.
One afternoon I thought I would try something different. When I heard, “Mommy, can I watch some telly?” I replied, “I am not going to answer you because you already know.” There! THAT should do it!
We-e-ell, maybe not… “But CAN I watch some telly?”
“I am not a-a-answe-ring you,” I said back in a sing-song.
Then, after a moment of thought, she accusingly retorted with a loud, hot whisper and rolling eyes, “Then WHY are you talking??”
Ahhh, it’s good to be three...
Article by Sheila Quinn Wilson – Mother Inspired
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